Should I stay or should I go...

One year… one year to escape reality and see the world. That was my plan and I was sticking to it. So what happens when things don’t go exactly according to plan and before you know it you are looking at plane tickets home, the whole time wondering where the time went and what the hell you were doing? Do you stick to your plan, go home and be grateful that you had the opportunity to even come out here at all… or do you stay put until you know that you will leave with no regrets. But wait… say during this internal battle a huge brick gets thrown onto one side of your mental weighing scale in the form of an amazing opportunity that suddenly comes up.

This past week I met with the program director at Leeds University to discuss a Creative Writing course I had briefly looked over and thought I might be interested in. Having no experience (except for my world renowned blog of course) in writing, I thought it would be a long shot but would be worth a look into at least. To my surprise, being a short course, the University is much more relaxed with the application process and I had already met all the pre requisites back home. I was also told that with sending in my application so early I was practically guaranteed a spot.  Yah… huge brick.  Now some of you might be wondering, do you want to be a writer Danielle? The truth is, I honestly have no clue what I want to be. As scary as that is to admit at this point in my life, I am ok with it, because I would rather still be searching than settling. All I know is this, I enjoy writing, it comes naturally to me and I would love to have the opportunity to build my skills. Am a good writer? Well according to my mother yes, and that’s the only opinion that matters right?! 

Now there is always the issue of prolonging my stay, because the writing course would run through until May of 2012, and to be honest the thought of going for another year without seeing my family or friends seems impossible.  Not to mention the LOML (Love of my life). OK so he may not be the love of my life, but he is the one who has my heart right now and although we are just friends who talk for hours upon hours via Skype, I often have this fantasy that I will walk out of LAX in September and run into his arms and we will live happily ever after.  But, if there is one thing I have always told myself, it’s that I will not let a guy determine my major decisions in life. Besides, he supports me staying out here to pursue my writing and says he will come visit me. I can just see it now…. a romantic European getaway, just the two of us lying under the stars in Italy where he will finally profess his undying love for me while violinists play Ushers “OMG”. Hey... a girl can dream right?!  Until that happens, I am having a fabulous time with my new nineteen year old love interest. Aside from the fact that we were born in different decades, he is a great catch, I realized this when he showed up to see me play last week and stood front row smiling up at me the entire time. I also look at my friendships. Already missing my best friends’ wedding in the fall, and asked to be a bridesmaid for anothers' next spring, I feel like I am being a bit selfish frolicking about making new friends while missing monumental moments in their lives. But on the other hand we are all going through changes, we are all growing up. And while the path that they are on may consist of picking out colors for wedding invites or saving to buy a house, maybe my path is the one I am on right now. The path of “I don’t know where the fuck this is leading but I am enjoying the ride and don’t want it to stop now”.  

Another factor is my desire to travel, and let’s be honest; I haven’t done a great deal in the seven months that I’ve been here. I could blame the setbacks in London, or dealing with the financial aspect, but the truth is I think I have just become too comfortable in my day to day life here. Months are flying by like weeks and weeks like days. Realistically, other than my trip to London and Amsterdam with Shane in June, I don’t have a lot of time (or money) in the next few months to do as much traveling as I would have hoped for in my time here. By extending my trip another nine months I could plan and save and become the travel queen I set out to be. I can just see it now, sitting outside the Pestsäule in Austria, writing a novel about a young fraulein who left the convent she grew up in to be a governess for a family of eight who like to randomly burst into song, all the while being chased by Nazis during WWII. I know… I am just full of amazing ideas!! 

 Everything aside, the most important thing is what makes me happy. Right now that is my writing, playing music and the uncertainty of not knowing what’s next. So I guess I have made my decision, I just don’t know if I’m ready to put it in writing….

Xoxo

Danielle